I sometimes use this ‘stumble’ tool on my web browser. It’s a cool wee button that gives me random sites based on other people’s recommendations of my pre selected interests. Does that make sense? I’ve wasted many hours flicking through the websites of amazing artists and it’s brought me lots of inspiration.

As well as artists I selected cats as one of my many interests which means I get random cute cat videos or one of the many billion of these lol-cat pictures. I think that’s what they’re called. They’re pictures of cats with comic expressions maybe half asleep and looking like they are planning world domination. The witty cat owner then writes some amusing text over the top of the picture in this weird text-speak-childish-gangsta language. As a cat lover I am quite entertained by the pictures but why in Bastet’s name, (Egyptian god of cats, see I’m a witty cat owner too,) do they have to use that annoying childish text speak? It isn’t cute, it’s irritating. I have looked up this lolcat phenomena and this language is known as “lolspeak” or “kitteh”.

If cats could speak, (they can they just choose not to talk to you,) they would certainly not be saying: “iz on ur keeboard makin’ mesnsssssssssssss…’ I just made that one up. Perhaps I’ll get a picture of Flea standing on my keyboard and make my own lolcat picture but instead of ‘kitteh’ I shall choose to write my text in English.

What I don’t understand about the cat lovers who post these pictures is why they believe that our feline friends would speak in “kitteh.” I know the only reason Flea doesn’t speak to me is that I’m not worthy of a proper conversation.

The Egyptians domesticated cats over 4000 years ago and they realised pretty quickly that there was more to these creatures than vermin catchers. The cat became a sacred animal and Bastest who I mentioned earlier was a cat goddess representing protection, motherhood and fertility.

And don’t hit me with the dogs are better thing. I love dogs, I’ve grown up with dogs but dogs are easy. A dog will love you if you give it enough treats. A dog will still love you even after you rub its nose in its own piss after it made a mess of the carpet. You try doing that to a cat and she’ll piss on your bed.

Why the hell am I writing about cats anyway? I got sidetracked. That’s not what I was intending to write about. I was talking about the ‘stumble’ button. One of my interests is writing, obviously and so the button gives me sites that promote writers. Awesome. Apart from these muppets who think they are writing poetry just because

They know how

To use the

Return button. Poetry is not

About the layout of words.

Muppets.